Flatbed Bessie (summer 2005)

When you slammed that door my fingers were in the frame,
crushed by the knob with my heart,
and they still throb with each other to this day,
‘cause down here in hell they’ll never part.

Later that night I woke up in flames
and your perfume smoked kerosene,
I was so drunk I did not feel no pain,
but why’d you burn Flatbed Bessie?

That’s right I said Miss Bessie, she needs some damn respect,
she us fools from bestiality,
like last summer when Jimmy fell for littlun’ Daisy,
and ended up with a half-bred man-sheep.

I guess that my words just don’t sound too sincere
‘cause all you hear’s baby I’m a cheatin’,
it didn’t matter if she was a whore,
‘cause I still love you, and that’s what she’s for! (YEEEEEHAAAWWWW)

Repeat 3rd stanza

Well the Chinese got their concubines
a new ride every week,
even Mormons got poly-gamy,
well that’s all fun n’ games for them, it keeps their men happy,
but, baby, what the hell about me?

So ladies if your man’s been rovin’ with a tasty strumpet,
don’t you go and toast ‘em like marshmallows,
‘cause she’s the reason he don’t bother you ‘round midnight,
for a drunken game of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.